Sunday, July 31, 2011

Gearing up

T-8 Days until the official start. We are continuing to learn more about what we are doing and have decided to blend and juice. We will not lose all the fiber but hopefully gain all the micronutrients as well.

I have made some progress on setting up the video diary. I must say that even when I smile I look like I have a scowl on my face. Not attractive at all but this isn't a beauty pageant this is supposed to be a motivational tool.

Cleaning out the system is hard and painful work. I understand this in theory, let's just see if I can fully understand this in practice. Everything I do is meant to motivate me through the tough several days of detox.

Steve is taking off ten days of work for our scheduled detox. We have already altered our diet considerably. We are limiting our processed foods and eliminating all drive-thur food establishments.

We are still on track for August 8 start date.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Reaching for the Stars

Hey folks I wrote this a couple of days did not have a chance to post it. Steve's Uncle Gary is still very ill and we are continuing to pray for him. Yesterday a great friend loaned me her champion juicer. Still on track and preparing to start on August 8th. Weighed all the options and this is the right approach for us. Time to reboot the system.
Magpie Tales

If ever there was a time to reach into heaven and pull back all its grace this that time. Last night Steve's uncle Gary suffered a massive stroke. We are uncertain if he will survive this and are praying for him. There are no accidents when you pay attention and keep alert. I am not saying that I believe in signs but in a way I do. When I lost my mother last December to a sudden heart attack I was not ready to receive the sign because I was too busy grieving. Shortly after my mother died I became ill with pneumonia and it took months of failed breathing tests to get my attention. Today I was looking at my opened medical chart and there was a measure of my lung's age. It was 84. I have the lungs of an 84 year old. I knew that they were not healthy lungs but I had nothing tangible to compare my lungs too. Now I do and this further fuels my determination.

I discussed in great length our plan (Steve and I) with our primary doctor. I made an appointment for Steve to see our doc next week. If he gets the green light we start this journey on August 8th. I have decided to make the stakes a little higher. I will be sharing this journey with you. Every single bit of this embarrassing and crazy journal I will be logging. I am hoping to add a daily video diary. I got the green light today for myself.

You maybe wondering what this has to do with the Magpie Tales? Simply put a whole lot! For the past year the Magpie has given me a positive outlet, allowed me to express myself, allowed me to create and recreate. This is just one more step in the Magpie process for me. Through the Magpie I have made friends and it is the support of all my friends cyber or otherwise that I draw support from. I am hoping to tie my experiences in this journey to recreate myself into the Magpie each week. I hope you will follow along and read what happens as it happens or perhaps share my experience with someone who feels like there is no place to go from here but up. It's time to reach for the stars and that is my plan.

T-13 days

If you have no idea what I am talking about what the trailer in my previous blog post Fat Sick and Nearly Dead

Monday, July 25, 2011

Fat Sick and Nearly Dead

Hey folks if you have five minutes to watch this extended trailer of Fat Sick and Nearly Dead I would appreciate your feedback in comments. If you have time to see the entire film it is available through Netflix streaming. Whichever you watch, I would love your feedback but please tell me if you watched the whole movie or just the trailer.

I am seriously considering trying this for ten days and depending on how I feel I might extend it for the full sixty days. If I do decided to do this I plan to do a daily video log of my progress. I have already consulted with one of my physicians and she did not like the idea but her reasons were strictly because of the sustainability of the plan. Tomorrow I will see my primary and get his opinion.

Monday, July 18, 2011

The gist of the story

I remember years ago a teacher, perhaps my third grade teacher read us a short story that stayed with me for years and years. The essence of the story still resonates within me, even though third grade was in 1976 and I honestly don't remember much about it, it still jabs at me a little. I never did remember the title or author's name so I can't go back and attempt to find it but the part that stuck with me was how horrible the main character's life was. This mask reminded me of the story, so I tried to recreate what I could remember, what specifically still resonnates. Here it is and I hope you like it even though you might read it and think it is terrible, there is a lesson here and it is the lesson that I want to drive home. For me the lesson is the importance of being yourself and being grateful for what you are given.

Magpie Tales

Waking up stretching, she dressed without giving any thought about the rote motions of dressing. It was habitual as was the clothes that covered her body. Black oxfords, grey tights, black jumper and black mask. The only variation of her dress was the grey tights. Color was strictly forbidden. Taking off your mask in public was strictly forbidden. Taking off your mask anywhere was strictly forbidden. Everything required equality. Everything was giving in the same proportions. Nothing was allowed to stray from the normal. Anything or anyone who strayed from the normal was removed permanently. No one question what that truly meant. Everyone followed the same cyclical code. It is simple; all things must be fair and equal, leave the emotion out of it. Purge the emotion; it just gets in the way of equality. After all fair is fair and life here is fair.         

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Unique Identifiers

The lofting smell of burning charcoal was reminiscent to a time when walking occurred without thought. If she closed her eyes and concentrated long enough she could take herself back. Far back into her memory housed a time of great uncertainty and carelessness. It wasn’t without its bliss. What had ruined it for her, hurtful remarks about her legs. Her legs, the legs she was born with were always a source of embarrassment to her. She was careful to cover them, she was careful to keep them out of the sun. Her excuse was her fair skin but the reality was her vanity and the possibility of more hurtful remarks.
On the school yard kids had called her popeye legs because her calves were large and bulging. She thought it was muscle but it was really a malformation of tissue. When all she really wanted was to be normal like all the other girls, to run with speed and enthusiasm, she was left with bulging legs and barely able to skip let alone run. She was chosen last on every sport. She really did not mind being last. she really had no interest in playing at all. Her true interests lay elsewhere.
Her fate was not to improve, even though at the time she believed she might. She tried secretly to run hoping it would get easier. It never did. Her lungs burned and she would feel the wave come over her. The wave was not easy to block mentally. At times it was all she could do to sit or lay in the grass and soak up the heat from the earth. It soothed her to be so close to the earth. The closer she was to the ground the easier it would become to disappear. She desired to melt right into the body of the earth and be reborn into someone else entirely. Someone without a unique identifier.
As a very young adult she had gone to the beach with her mother and her aunt. It was there that she heard a group of her peers remark on her legs. “She’s going to have terrible legs when she gets older.” Look at her mother’s legs? It didn’t matter to them who was who, it was obvious to them that one of the two middle aged women was probably her mother. They all shared similar traits. The remark was followed up by a seagull relieving its bowels in flight and his deposit landing right on her face. The humiliation was too great to bare at that time. Now being the age her mother was then, she could reflect back on it and brush the whole thing off as nonsense. She had hardened her soft outer shell from her youth. All that remained now a thick protective armor that few could penetrate. No one bothered with her legs they were too busy look at the mechanical mass she had become.
Life had been sure to hurdle enough embarrassment at her that she no longer felt its affects or gave it the credence she once had.
Terrrible legs, popeye legs, how they would never know what those words meant to her or how those words would shape her code.  How they would never understand the source of pain she would carry in her cells and how those cells would transform themselves into cells that would not be able to carry her. She would go to a wheelchair and remain mobile because that technology existed in her lifetime. Why had she allowed the comments of others to point out her unique identifier and why had she believed it bad. Would it have been so wrong to insist that this unique identifier actually made her special? The word “terrible” had not actually been their word but it was indeed the word she heard and it stayed with her like an obvious birthmark.
It would affect every decision she would make for a good portion of her life.
Everything would remove her from contention in her own personal beauty contest. She would never be in first place with herself or with anyone else. It crumbled her image. It removed her desire for anything normal. She would forgo motherhood because she believed she would have nothing to offer. She would even forgo a normal life as a wife. Sure she managed to marry but her dependency would plague her marriage and leave her exhausted from the eggshells and worry that she might lose her husband. All this negative energy would carry her through childhood and leave her in adulthood. It was her adult self that realized the nonsense and insisted on putting a stop to her faulty thinking. It was after all faulty thinking. If she looked deeply into the eyes of her thoughts she could see as plain as day how those thoughts had manifested into reality. The waste of not realizing that she was trading one monster for another and all she had to do was change her mind.
In her mind she became the best wife to her husband and she had him almost convinced of this fact. She became a good mentor to woman who would be the age her children would be now. She would see herself happy and grateful for all of the gifts she had been given and she no longer despised any part of her body. It was her body and she was grateful to have it.

Monday, July 11, 2011

The Golden Eye...Continues

People of Chilmark, Thomas Hart Benton, 1920
Magpie 73
At times it was hard to concentrate at the Golden Eye especially if it was a busy day. The reality of multiple thoughts is really quite a sight. Thoughts of one patron might negate the thoughts of another, causing a complete breakdown in the natural order of things. This would become particularly troublesome when the place was busy. Regulars would steer clear unless they were looking for a little excitement.

The most important rule was the rule of tenfold. It was an easy rule to forget. One young man went there hoping and believing that he would see naked boobs just by concentrating his thoughts on a perfect set.  To his surprise his thought manifested itself but not as he had hoped it would.

He sat down ordered a coke and some French fries and began concentrating his thoughts on seeing the boobs of the cute waitress that was serving him. The problem was he forgot the rule of tenfold. When she returned with his order she realized she was serving a joker. There before her sat a teenage boy with size double D boobs naked as the day is long. Shocked and embarrassed by his transformation, she soon realized how he had directed his thoughts.

She had a thought of her own and she acted on it. She slapped his face dumped his hot fries on him, burning him and extinguished the heat with an ice cold coke. When he got up to leave everyone looked at him and just shook their heads.

No one ever saw him again. As for her, she lost several cup sizes that day and she became the actual president of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Golden Eye

Wheat Field with Rising Sun, Vincent Van Gogh, 1889
For Magpie 72

Melanie gathered up her laptop one Tuesday afternoon and decided to study at the Golden Eye. It was a paranormal bookstore and cafĂ©. The owner was Bes Hammond a woman that seemed to defy aging. No one was really certain how old she was because she had been running the shop for too many years to count and even Melanie’s mom had remembered her when she was a kid. Bes always looked about the same.

Rumors about the mysteries that occurred at the Golden Eye were incredible. One such rumor, if you told a lie to someone while at the Golden Eye terrible things happened to the liar. Each lie held a punishment. The term “big fat liar” was supposedly coined within the walls of the Golden Eye. It was said that the liar gained weight for each day they continued the lie until one day the person was so fat they finally told the truth. If they told subsequent lies the liar’s pants would catch on fire. Eventually the truth would be discovered.

One other such punishment was the law of tenfold. If you maliciously broke someone’s heart while at the Golden Eye the injured person would find lifelong happiness and the person causing injury was be visited by heartache for the rest of their life.  Little miracles occurred there as well. If you were sitting drinking your sweet tea or eating a fresh pastry and a hummingbird or butterfly came to mind before you knew it one would appear. The same thing also happened if you happened to think of a snake or rat. You really had to watch your thoughts at the Golden Eye.

Many writers would bring their laptops because writer’s block was not possible at the Golden Eye. Many in town had tried to keep it a secret, feeling that the place was too precious to share with outsiders but even those thoughts were not helpful. Stinginess did not go unpunished. If you were stingy and wanted something you could normally get, that item would run out right before your eyes. The Golden Eye was a place where both dreams and nightmares would come true. It all really depended on the thoughts of the patrons.
Some of the older people in the town chose to stay away. Other's figured it out and reaped all the rewards.  But few could make the rewards stick and those few were truly grateful. Other's who tempted greedily soon realized it was just too easy to get into trouble at the Golden Eye.