There are several women in my life that I have grown to really feel a kinship with. Not often do you find women friends that you would want to turn into a quartet, much like the gals in Sex in the City. These women are nothing like those women, they are real women with real women issues. They are not concerned with $700 shoes or pocketbooks. In fact, they would view much of that as a tremendous waste of money. I doubt any of them would be Samantha, Carrie, or Charlotte, and not one of them is like Miranda.
Well that is really not the issue. I am not trying to find three other gals to talk about sex with or over indulge with alcohol, shopping or men. I just want have a few women friends over for an afternoon of drinks and socializing. It would be nice if by some miracle we could all start doing things together. It would be nice to have time to paint together, thrift shop, antique browse or even start a book club.
I find it curious that all my closest women friends live in other parts of the country. After taking stock of this I realize I have some very wonderful friends right here where I live. Those friendships I have not fostered enough. I guess I was too wrapped up in my own grief and all of life’s little surprises to reach out. Well I am feeling better and now I am reaching out locally. All the ladies I am thinking about are so very different from one another. I wonder if they ever think about groupings like this. I think it could be tremendously supportive to find comradery with a fun group of other women who need to have that time together. Friendships are important and I’ve felt for too long that I needed to stretch my wings a little and make more friends. Not just have one really close friend but many.
In the movie Enchanted April four woman, all very different from one another, take a villa in Spain on the coast for a month stay, it is there that they give up their misgivings about other women and become very good friends on a deep emotional level. It is there that they learn to love the people in their normal lives and learn to appreciate them. They are able to do this because they the can see in each other their own misgivings and because they are forced to live together and choose to do so in harmony, they forgive the pettiness that surfaces naturally in the beginning.
The character Lottie is heartly responsible for demonstrating goodwill as a first gesture when confronted with this pettiness. It is her response that sets the tone for the whole vacation and the tone each woman takes for herself. Each woman is allowed to be themselves without apology. If they are brash it is treated with courtesy not defensiveness and suddenly the brash woman finds herself realizing that her feelings were respected. The brashness dissolves and in its place a kind and considerate person evolves. If they are aloof and need the space to be alone it is granted, respected and always followed up with an invitation for gathering at a later time. If she is pensive or worried she is listened to and understood and never ever criticized or made to feel foolish. Those small gestures that seem so trivial are really a lesson to us all.
Our feelings are not trivial. Our life’s experiences might be the reason for the initial response of brashness, pettiness, aloofness, and pensiveness that exists in the first place. It is the exterior we’ve developed when life has knocked us down. It is not judgment that will save us from ourselves or allow us to look passed these undesirable behaviors in others.
Those behaviors will sink us unless we try the Lottie approach. Respect and understanding first reserve the judgments for really bad stuff like, theft, lying, adultery, murder, or other such behaviors that woman of integrity chose not to associate with. I would rather spend my time forgiving brashness or pensiveness and get to the great heart of a female friend, than accept someone who by the very nature of their behavior, I will never be able to trust. What a person does to someone else is a pretty good indicator of what they will do in general.
If the woman is outgoing and fun to be around well that is bonus. But no one need be perfect to keep a solid friend, no one is perfect. This is just a fact of life. The women that I have befriended have never showed me a side of themselves that was perfect because I don’t expect that from them. I expect them to be them. However, what they have all demonstrated to me is that they are women of integrity. These woman live by a moral compass; one that I have no problem following or taking lead of. Those are the friendship I choose.