Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect Two Hundred Dollars, Go Directly to Jail

For the keepers of Brody Bernard and the sister in particular who lived it.
I did not have a photo of Brody but
this dog kind of looks like him. Image lifted from
Google Images
She thought, “Cute as a puppy, but he isn’t cute now.” “Brody Bernard! Get Back Here! Brody Bernard!” She yelled at the top of her lungs. A passerby shouting over her shoulder yelled, “Bernard’s not listening!” “Really, lady?” She thought, “Why do people feel it necessary to state the obvious. A little help would be nice. Instead I’ve got this woman and whose this Jack ass taking our photo while I am up to my knees in pond sludge? New running shoes, Oh shit, “Brody Bernard stop chasing that duck and get back here!”
I left my house at three thirty with just enough time to go for a run before the after work crowd. It was the first nice day of spring. I looked down at the black nose and amber pleading eyes. “Do you want to go for a run?” His tail – back forth and around in a circle, it just about waged off his rear end and he hopped like rabbit with excitement. “Ok boy let me grab your leash.” The Park was gorgeous two laps around the pond made a mile and I wanted to get at least three miles in. We loaded up and off we went.
That is when all hell broke loose. What I had not counted on was my dog’s reaction to all the water fowl and the water. I guess I should have figured after a winter of being cooped up. He busted loose and dove right in swimming out towards the ducks without a single backward glance. No amount of cussing, not even when I threatened his life did he come back. The more I yelled the more he swam, in the wrong direction. I had not even, barely, exited my car with him on the leash when this happened. He had me at a full run, I ran smack into a large walnut tree when I lost the leash. Game over and now I stand in my new running shoes with water up to my knees yelling, “Brody Bernard, THAT IS IT! YOU ARE GOING DIRECTLY TO THE POUND!”
Brody ended up back at home. As a punishment he got a bath instead of a one-way ticket to the pound. I guess it's the eyes that kept him out of doggy jail.


thingy said...

Whew, glad the eyes got to ya. Gotta love 'em.

Anonymous said...

this is too funny...thanks for the morning laugh, I can just visualize it. I read your blog all the time Kristen and I am glad to see you are doing much better, it shows. God Bless you. I look at your writings every week. Deborah/San Diego