Tuesday, August 12, 2008

basking in the sun

Okay so one day my friend Laura was visiting from Cali and we were driving down Republic Road when low and behold there was one of these fellers basking in the sun.

We both had the same thought at the very same time. This is something that has happened to us throughout our friendship. We didn't even have to talk the other person into this it was unanimous. Being two gals from the west coast seeing one of these guys was about as good as seeing a martian land in a UFO. There he was upside down and barely dead best of all he was ours for the taking.

So we strategically planned out the capture. We had multiple challenges in obtaining our prize. Now this guy was not on the grass as pictured here. He was in the center of a road that gets a lot of traffic. Our forensics were a little rusty so we could not determine from the inside of the car how dead he really was and where the potential stink factor would fall. All of these variables had to be considered carefully before we could apprehend our treasure.

We circled the area first and determined that a trip into Price Cutter for a few supplies would be necessary. We determined that we needed heavy black trash bags to carry our gem away and also some heavy gloves. We had to see this guy up close, everything about this creature had our curiosity peaked.

With our supplies in hand we make an initial Reconnaissance. Our plan was set in motion, I make a slick maneuver by getting into a left turning lane and pretend to be chicken about making the turn. You know that type of driver that forces you to yell at them out loud "you can go! just go!"
We were relatively close to our subject in this lane so Laura jumps out of the car.

Now all the drivers around us are thinking what the heck. Laura makes a beelines for Fred with black bag in hand, and make a sweeping play as if he were a loose football on a field. I make the turn finally while she trots him across the street dodging oncoming traffic and holding our prize as far away from her as humanly possible.

I am certain that if the 50, the Man, the Cops would have been driving by we would have been ticketed at the very minimum or taken for a short ride to county health. The scene we caused was enough to provide another bad Springfield driver with a great excuse. Fortunately there were not any bad Springfield drivers driving by because no accidents occurred.

So we drag Fred there to the Price Cutter lawn to get a better inspection. What a trippy animal. First let's address the smell. Fred was dead and Fred had been dead for at least a few hot sizzling July morning hours. We no longer needed our black trash bag because Fred permanent resting place was the lawn at Price Cutter. I am so sure that their gardeners were livid when they had to remove Fred's rotting smelly Carcass from their lawn.

Second he was weird. He was wearing a little armour suit probably why he got his name. In addition to that, he had straight wiry hairs sticking out of all he crevasses, beady eyes, talon like feet, dagger tail and sharp little teeth. I felt kind of sorry for the guy. He looked hot and stinky. Okay so he was dead but he looked like he had BO even if he was alive and still he looked hot. I think that is why they play chicken with cars they are so depressed. Wouldn't you be? being born so ugly and wearing a suit like that in the heat?

What I learned from this experience. Reading about your prize on the Internet is a lot less smelly but the experience itself was priceless.

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